


Last Night in the Cathedral Ward

by FanficsbyVe



Category: Bloodborne (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-04-22 21:23:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4851017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanficsbyVe/pseuds/FanficsbyVe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vicar Amelia and the Cleric Beast solemnly contemplate the apocalypse in Yharnam. Bill Bryson tribute. One-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Last Night in the Cathedral Ward

**Author's Note:**

> This work is a homage to Bill Bryson's "Last Night on the Titanic". Be sure to check out this brilliant writer by buying "Notes from a Big Country" and "The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid". You won't regret it.

**Last Night in the Cathedral Ward.**

 

“Good lord, Cleric Beast, what’s all the commotion?”

“Oh, hello, Vicar Amelia. Not like you to be up at this hour. Blood vial?”

“Don’t mind if I do. So what’s the kerfuffle? I saw Master Willem as I passed by and he looked in a dreadful lifeless stew, more brain-dead than usual.”

“It appears Yharnam is ending, my dear Vicar.”

“Never!”

“Do you recall that moon we saw at dinner?”

“The one that was as big as Maneater Boar after goring unwary Hunters?”

“That’s the one. It seems the deuced thing is turning everyone in Yharnam into foul beasts.”

“Rotten luck.”

“Rather.”

“I suppose that explains the sprouting of white hair on my legs despite shaving recently. I thought it a bit odd. Say, is that a blood vial from a Blood Saint?”

“Woman of Pleasure, actually. I have a man from the red light district who gets them specially.”

“Awfully nice.”

“Yes… Pity, really.”

“What’s that?”

“Well, I just ordered two boxes at two blood echoes each. Still, I suppose the young Hunters will be glad to get their hands on them.”

“So you don’t think we’re going to make it?”

“Doesn’t look good. Eileen asked Djura when he brought her herbs for her beak and he said we have less than two hours. How’s Adella, by the way? Have her fits of possessiveness diminished recently?”

“Couldn’t say. She went insane, you see.”

“Oh, rotten luck.”

“Lost her marbles around the time we settled for bed. It was her mad giggling that woke me, in fact. Shame she’s missed all the excitement. She always enjoyed a good apocalypse.”

“Eileen is just the same.”

“She didn’t go insane as well, did she?”

“Oh, no. She’s gone to see Henryk. She wanted to contact Gascoigne and cancel the order for next week’s communion. Not much point now, you see.”

“Quite. Still, all in all, it hasn’t been a bad Hunt, wouldn’t you say?”

“Couldn’t agree more. The slaughtering has been top-notch. Young Alfred was particularly taken with a young new Hunter. He thought him a picture and his killing techniques thrilling. He talked to him from dawn to dusk. You haven’t seen him, by any chance?”

“No, why do you ask?”

“It’s just that he rushed off in a rather odd way. Said there was something he had to do with Queen Annalise before we went down. Something to do with steak tartare, I gather.”

“Steak tartare? How odd.”

“Well, he made some reference to needing a Logarius wheel, if I heard him right. I can’t pretend I understand half the things he goes on about. And in any case, I was somewhat distracted. Eileen’s feathers started to fall out – a consequence of the stressful Hunt, you see – and was in a terrible temper when Djura refused to aid her. He told her to deal with it herself.”

“What extraordinary insolence.”

“I suppose he was a bit out of sorts since he doesn’t get to tend to his fine collection of Old Yharnam beasts now, will he? Can’t say I blame him.”

“Still.”

“I reported him, of course. One has to remember one’s station as a Hunter even in a crisis or we should be in a terrible mess, don’t you agree? Gehrman assured me he won’t get another posting in Yharnam.”

“I should think not.”

“A bit of a technicality, I suppose, but at least it’s been noted in the book.”

“It’s been a funny old night, when you think about it. I mean to say, Adella loses her mind, Yharnam is doomed and there wasn’t even Kin Coldblood for dinner. I had to settle for a very middling Coldblood.”

“You think that’s disappointing? Have a look at these.”

“Sorry, dear Cleric Beast, I can’t see in this light. What are they?”

“Tickets for the ferry out of Yharnam.”

“Oh, that is bad luck.”

“The catbird seat with beautiful view.”

"Very bad luck… I say, what's that noise?"

"That will be the affluent district transforming painfully into beasts, I expect."

"No, it sounded like a choir."

“I believe you’re right. Yes, you are quite right. A bit mournful, don’t you think? I shouldn’t want to try to dance to that.”

“Sanguine Sancta, isn’t it? They might have chosen something more festive for our last night in this city.”

“Still, I think I’ll wander down and see if they’ve put out supper yet. Coming?”

“No, I think I’ll turn in with a sedative. It’s going to be a short night as it is. How long have we got, do you suppose?”

“About a few more hours, I’d say.”

“Oh dear. Perhaps I’ll skip the sedative then. I don’t suppose I’ll be seeing you again?”

“Not in this life, dear Vicar.”

“Oh, I say, that’s very good. I must remember that. Well, good night, then.”

“By the by, just a thought. Master Willem said nothing about not consuming any more church-sanctioned blood, did he?”

“Not that I recall. Shall I wake you if he makes an announcement?”

“That would be very good of you, if you’re sure it’s no trouble.”

“No trouble at all.” 

“Well, good night then. Give my regards to Eileen and young Alfred.”

“With the greatest pleasure. I’m sorry about Adella.”

“Well, worse things happen in Yharnam, as they say. I expect she might snap out of it at some point. Her personality was awfully split. Well, good night.”

“Good night, dear Vicar. Sleep well.”


End file.
